We have found out this is a very loaded question. This has been a stressful part of the adoption process—probably the most stressful part so far. No, the paper chasing wasn’t fun, and waiting on the state agencies to run things like DSS clearances and get copies of marriage/birth certificates is frustrating. That doesn’t even slightly compare.
We knew when we started the adoption process that we were going to go the route of minor special needs. With minor special needs, most things are correctable via treatment, surgery, or devices. Some things will even correct themselves over a period of time. In most instances once the issue is corrected, the child will go on to lead a completely normal life. The hard part is learning about all the potential special needs, research them all, and then deciding if a particular need is something you can deal with as a family. Sounds easy, right? That’s what I initially thought. It’s not. That’s what I have learned. Just a quick side note here—David did most of the researching on the medical issues, and did a fabulous job (even with my previous medical experience, I knew I would quickly become overwhelmed and burnt out from researching it all, so he gladly stepped in and handled it).
A lot of conditions that one would think are simple “cosmetic” issues are a lot more involved. Take albinism, for instance. I initially thought that would be a case where a child is lacking pigmentation in their skin and hair (i.e. very fair skinned with white/blonde hair). However, it is usually accompanied with several other issues as well (i.e. sight problems), which then make it more of a moderate category in my opinion. The same would go with dwarfism—one may think it’s only short stature, but there’s other stuff involved. Our discussion tonight was on minor burns. That’s just a minor cosmetic issue that can easily be corrected. Unfortunately when you deal with burns, chances are you are dealing with a child that has been abused in some way, and that is going to be accompanied by some major psychological issues that will have to be treated.
Then there are things that are truly minor. Believe it or not, heart defects are one. ASD and VSD (in layman’s terms, a small hole in the heart) are the most common. These usually resolve on their own over time. If not, they can be surgically repaired—this may require a cardiac cath, or something as significant as open heart surgery. It’s still minor, even though open heart surgery is major. That’s a hard one to think about. Seeing your infant child undergo open heart surgery is very emotional. It’s a possibility though, and something that has to be thought through.
We have been reviewing, discussing, praying about, researching, and stressing (well, I have been stressing) about this list for some time. We are now at the point that we had to submit our Desired Child form, in which we mark what we will and will not accept. Luckily we can update this in the future (we are not locked in stone with what we marked). It has been difficult, none the less, to complete. We have a rhythm to our family, and have a feel for what we can and cannot accept. We understand that we may get our child back to the US, only to have him/her diagnosed with something that wasn’t found prior to the adoption (or wasn’t included in their medical chart). For that matter, we could have another biological child that could end up being diagnosed with a condition that is severe. In either case, you just go with it—you have to. Yes, we firmly believe God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I will say this, though. There are families that are called to care for children who are medically fragile and have significant special needs. We do not feel that we are one of those families, and that is okay (I believe I have said that before). God has a different calling for all of us as individuals and as families.
We feel we are called to adopt a child that has a minor need that can be corrected, in hopes of offering them the greatest quality of life.
So, as mentioned several times before, we’ll be adopting a child with minor special needs. We are open to adopting a boy or girl, and we are hoping the child will be 2 or younger by the time the adoption is complete (give or take a few months). As far as what issues we will accept, honestly, we are going to keep that private. Some things may be visibly noticeable, and some things may not. One thing is for sure, though: our child will know they are fearfully and wonderfully made, and they were made in the image of Christ.
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